Sunday, 17 January 2010

The New Year gets underway

The year seems to be flying by already, perhaps because I have exams this month that I'm dreading - when you don't want things to happen time seems to speed up! So, a quick update on what I've been up to lately.

We got a snow day on Jan 6th, although it was apparently accidental - the teachers were planning on opening, but the school bus company rang up the local radio station and said they weren't running buses, so the radio station assumed school was closed - and therefore the school had to go along with it! Although it was a day where I usually only go in for one lesson anyway, I'm glad we had it - otherwise I would have had 14 years at school without a single snow day!

I've been rather stressed lately, as exams are looming, and I have my English Literature exam re-sit tomorrow, which I'm not really sure how to revise for. I was predicted (and achieved) A grades in Eng Lit all last year, but then I got a C in the final exam in June. My teacher requested my paper back, then requested a remark, but nothing changed - and my teacher, head of English, has no idea why I got the grade I did; she couldn't see any difference between mine and the students who got A grades. So my only option was to retake it, which I shall be doing fingers crossed. I get really nervous about exams, and start feeling ill, so I'm annoyed that it's an afternoon exam as it means I'll have to keep my cool all day - but there's not much I can do about that! Anyway, I've reread the texts and the poetry and I'm just going to hope for the best for tomorrow.

Mostly I've just been in the usual routine - school, homework, bed - and I haven't had a chance to do a lot of writing unfortunately. I've really got into a TV series called the Gilmore Girls though, which is repeated on E4 daily. I started catching odd episodes during school holidays, and have now borrowed all 7 series of a friend of mine and am working my way through them when I have time/no motivation to do anything.

I'm having problems with my dad at the minute. We have a tendency to argue, probably because we're very alike, and because he is definitely not the typical dad. My parents have been divorced since I was 8, and I'm great friends with my mum, but dad and I have an argumentative relationship. When I was younger we got on well - I didn't see him much when I was younger as he worked a lot, but when he moved out we got on well and I'd go and stay at weekends. I feel though that since I started to have my own opinions and to disagree sometimes with the way he acts that we just can't get along anymore. He camw round for five minutes yesterday to fix something on my car, and somehow it turned into huge argument. I guess that's why I'm rambling here - feel free to stop reading! I just need to get it off my chest. I sometimes wonder why he had kids, and I don't think he would have done had it been solely his choice. He has a very addictive personality, and was an alcoholic before I was born, but he's been tee total for years now. But then that addiction went to cigarettes, and now that he's kicked that habit too, he's addicting to gambling. He always has been, but online poker has meant that it now takes up all the time that he's not working. I stopped staying at weekends about two years ago now because there was no point, he'd just be playing poker, and since then it's got a lot worse. He doesn't think he has a problem...he doesn't understand how hurtful it is that poker is always more important than anything else, including me and my sister.

I hate the fact that we end up arguing permentantly, and that we can't get on, and that he has me in tears so often that it doesn't even surprise me any more. I have to bite my tongue around him but he can never do the same around me, and he just doesn't get that he's the adult. He doesn't do a lot for us, in my opinion, but when he does anything he acts like it's this huge big deal. He makes me feel guilty and not good enough and I am so fed up of crying because he's said something horrible or because I know that on his list of priorities I'm below poker, and also my sister, and my mum too, even though they're divorced. I'm sure he doesn't mean for it to be like that but that's the way it is, and even though I love him I can't deal with the arguments. I don't want to end up barely talking to him but I never ring anymore because I know he'll be distracted and not interested and I'll get upset.

Sorry for this crazily long rant, I just really needed to say all that and I've got no-one I can tell who would understand!

Wish me luck for the exam tomorrow :D

Sunday, 3 January 2010

New Year; More Blogging

So, Happy New Year! One of my New Year's Resolutions is clearly going to have to be to blog more regularly, so I'm going to try to update this blog weekly. I hope you all had a good Christmas and New Year.

I can't believe it's 2010. Ten years ago, we had just celebrated the Millenium. 2000was quite a chaotic year for me; it was the year my gran died, aged 56, which changed my life. Firstly, we had been living with her to look after her, and we used to go round every weekend, so she was a big part of my life. I was only 7, nearly 8, at the time, and so it was my first experience of death. My gran's death was a catalyst for many things, including my mum's depression which has a big affect on day-to-day life, and my parents' divorce, which happened in the same year. It is probably the year that I remember the most clearly from my childhood, and I think it was when I grew up (although apparently I was born as a forty-year-old, lol) and when I started to really question religion.

So, I'm finding this year is starting off as being quite reflective. I can't believe that all that was ten years ago, and this year is going to be just as big a year for me as 2000 was, I think - but hopefully in good ways. I'm going to America, then I'm turning 18, and in September I'll be moving out, moving away, starting a whole new section of my life at universtiy. And that's scary, but exciting too.

So I'm hoping 2010 is going to be an amazing year. I'm going to do my best to make it one. So, my New Year's Resolutions:

1. I am going to keep up with the writing, but I have a goal for the year - I want to have one of my novels polished up enough to be able to start sending it out to agents, and I plan to start sending at least one out to agents this year. I want to finish the trilogy too, start new projects, but make sure I perfect the old to the best of my ability.
2. Blog more!
3. Try to find my motivation (if anyone has seen it then I could really do with it being returned!) and dop the very best I can in my exams this year.
4. Read 100 books this year.

This has been an odd and rambly post but I hope you'll forgive me as I haven't posted in a long time. I'm going to end it on a sad note, because I really want to mention someone who passed away at the end of 2009. My best friend's dad had a stroke and ending up passing away on Christmas Eve, which was of course devestating for my friend and her siblings. I just wanted to mention him as he was such a kind man, a real gentleman who's going to be missed by a hell of a lot of people. It was all so sudden and I can't really believe he's gone. RIP.