The year seems to be flying by already, perhaps because I have exams this month that I'm dreading - when you don't want things to happen time seems to speed up! So, a quick update on what I've been up to lately.
We got a snow day on Jan 6th, although it was apparently accidental - the teachers were planning on opening, but the school bus company rang up the local radio station and said they weren't running buses, so the radio station assumed school was closed - and therefore the school had to go along with it! Although it was a day where I usually only go in for one lesson anyway, I'm glad we had it - otherwise I would have had 14 years at school without a single snow day!
I've been rather stressed lately, as exams are looming, and I have my English Literature exam re-sit tomorrow, which I'm not really sure how to revise for. I was predicted (and achieved) A grades in Eng Lit all last year, but then I got a C in the final exam in June. My teacher requested my paper back, then requested a remark, but nothing changed - and my teacher, head of English, has no idea why I got the grade I did; she couldn't see any difference between mine and the students who got A grades. So my only option was to retake it, which I shall be doing tomorrow...so fingers crossed. I get really nervous about exams, and start feeling ill, so I'm annoyed that it's an afternoon exam as it means I'll have to keep my cool all day - but there's not much I can do about that! Anyway, I've reread the texts and the poetry and I'm just going to hope for the best for tomorrow.
Mostly I've just been in the usual routine - school, homework, bed - and I haven't had a chance to do a lot of writing unfortunately. I've really got into a TV series called the Gilmore Girls though, which is repeated on E4 daily. I started catching odd episodes during school holidays, and have now borrowed all 7 series of a friend of mine and am working my way through them when I have time/no motivation to do anything.
I'm having problems with my dad at the minute. We have a tendency to argue, probably because we're very alike, and because he is definitely not the typical dad. My parents have been divorced since I was 8, and I'm great friends with my mum, but dad and I have an argumentative relationship. When I was younger we got on well - I didn't see him much when I was younger as he worked a lot, but when he moved out we got on well and I'd go and stay at weekends. I feel though that since I started to have my own opinions and to disagree sometimes with the way he acts that we just can't get along anymore. He camw round for five minutes yesterday to fix something on my car, and somehow it turned into huge argument. I guess that's why I'm rambling here - feel free to stop reading! I just need to get it off my chest. I sometimes wonder why he had kids, and I don't think he would have done had it been solely his choice. He has a very addictive personality, and was an alcoholic before I was born, but he's been tee total for years now. But then that addiction went to cigarettes, and now that he's kicked that habit too, he's addicting to gambling. He always has been, but online poker has meant that it now takes up all the time that he's not working. I stopped staying at weekends about two years ago now because there was no point, he'd just be playing poker, and since then it's got a lot worse. He doesn't think he has a problem...he doesn't understand how hurtful it is that poker is always more important than anything else, including me and my sister.
I hate the fact that we end up arguing permentantly, and that we can't get on, and that he has me in tears so often that it doesn't even surprise me any more. I have to bite my tongue around him but he can never do the same around me, and he just doesn't get that he's the adult. He doesn't do a lot for us, in my opinion, but when he does anything he acts like it's this huge big deal. He makes me feel guilty and not good enough and I am so fed up of crying because he's said something horrible or because I know that on his list of priorities I'm below poker, and also my sister, and my mum too, even though they're divorced. I'm sure he doesn't mean for it to be like that but that's the way it is, and even though I love him I can't deal with the arguments. I don't want to end up barely talking to him but I never ring anymore because I know he'll be distracted and not interested and I'll get upset.
Sorry for this crazily long rant, I just really needed to say all that and I've got no-one I can tell who would understand!
Wish me luck for the exam tomorrow :D
The Cone Life
2 weeks ago